The Prank That Wasn't A Ranma 1/2 FanFiction By Sinom Bre Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, & Kitty (Japan) and Viz Video (USA). No compensation has been or will be received for the composition of this work - it is for free entertainment purposes only. Author's Quips: I am playing somewhat fast and loose with Ranma canon, here, so some events will be altered or out of sequence. This has been done to maximize the situational humor where applicable. There is a dramatic undercurrent that will expose itself as the work progresses. Enjoy. C&C very welcome. Post to FFML or privately to sinom_bre@yahoo.com. Flames incinerated. ____________________ Part 3 - [Title to be determined.] ____________________ A weary, bedraggled, and barely clothed redhead made her slow way through the dark streets of Nerima. This infamous suburb of the Greater Tokyo Metropolitan Area had become relatively free of crime in the last year or so, due in no small part to the inordinate number of high-powered martial artists that seemed to have suddenly congregated here. Thus, Saotome Ranma, currently female, had little fear of being accosted by the criminal element, in spite of her current condition. If she were attacked, she could most likely handle anything short of a small army, and even then, the odds for the army were long. No, she was more concerned with that same cadre of martial artists, some of which wanted to marry him or her (depending on local water temperatures and the resultant gender thereof), others which wanted to kill him or her (same water conditions), and two who wanted to kill one gender and marry the other. It was such a martial artist that she'd escaped from a short time before. After attacking with her swords, Shampoo had chased Ranma all over the rooftops of Nerima. The chase had dragged on for almost two-and-one-half hours, and both martial artists had been stumbling at the last, trying desperately not to fall to the streets below. The day was saved, for Ranma, when a freak rain shower, something else for which Nerima had recently become famous for, activated Shampoo's Jusenkyo curse. Ranma's ailurophobia found forgotten reserves of energy and propelled her as far away from Neko-Shampoo as fast as possible. The combination of the chase and her fear of cats left Ranma with only enough energy to drag herself home. It was with no small relief, then, that Ranma finally sighted the rear wall of the Tendo compound. She gathered the tattered remains of Tofu's examination robe about her petite but well- formed body and said a prayer to Kami-sama that her panties would maintain their integrity before leaping over the wall and heading for the house. Ranma was tired and irritated and was desperately looking forward to a nice scrub and a soak, hopefully with no hassles from family members - a pipe dream, at best. ---------- A very worried and pensive Akane listening raptly to her sister's explanation. "One of the treatments Tofu-sensei mentioned," Nabiki intoned with her fingers crossed behind her back, "was to shock Ranma into recovering his male identity." Nabiki clasped her hands in front of her bosom and paced in serious manner. "Shampoo's ad lib method was insightful but most likely unsuccessful. No, I believe you have to approach Ranma on a sexual level." Akane blanched and looked down at her clothes. "And how does this do that?!" "Well...," Nabiki lectured, "since Ranma is having a sexual identity crisis, it seems logical to take a sexual approach. Ne?" Nabiki watched as the gears slowly turned in Akane's head. "Oh." Nabiki almost face-faulted, but that wouldn't do if she wanted to convince Akane of this lame plan. Nabiki let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "Right! Let's have another look at you." Nabiki fussed over and straightened Akane's apparel. "Now remember, Akane-chan. You're going to have to lay it on really thick for it to effective." "Oneechan..." Akane began. "Mmm?" "About the stuffed sock..." ---------- No one was immediately visible through the open doorway to the tearoom, so Ranma stumbled in without concern. Unfortunately, Saotome Genma, her father, and Tendo Soun, her fiancee's father, were sitting off to the side playing shogi. Genma was in panda form, and Soun was smoking a cigarette. Both were working on large mugs of beer while merrily cheating at their game. However, Ranma's dejected footfalls became their new focus of attention, and they stared, trying to take in the state of Ranma's appearance. Feeling eyes on her, Ranma spun her head around and saw the two family heads gawking. Her charitable nature had gone into the red hours ago. "What the hell are you looking at?!" she shouted. The fathers just sat there. "Grrr." A figurative fuse disappeared into a metaphorical hollow iron ball filled with the accumulated indignation of dual gender. Ranma's eyes crossed, she clenched her jaw and fists, and a distinct *POP* was heard echoing in the room. "WHAT?!" Ranma screeched. "Haven't gotten a good enough look, YET?!?!" She faced the older men in an open-leg stance, and gripping the two halves of the front of the gown she opened them forcefully in the fathers' direction. A number of interesting events occurred in the space of the next several seconds. In order to appreciate the situation fully, time has been slowed to allow a descriptive narrative. Second 01 - As she'd been fleeing the sword-wielding Shampoo, Ranma's gown had billowed out behind her and had been the sad recipient of many slashes from Shampoo's sword. As Ranma forcefully opened the gown to flash the dads, the garment ripped up the back and came apart into two pieces hanging from Ranma's hands. Genma and Soun did dinner-plate eyes. Second 02 - Ranma's shift to an open-leg stance was the straw that broke the camel's back. After abuse well beyond what they were designed for, the white cotton panties were stressed to failure and drifted to the floor. Second 03 - This full second's exposure to an eyeful of Ranma- chan's natural hair color elicited the following unsurprising reactions. Second 04 - Panda-chan passed out and fell onto his back. The nearly full beer he'd been holding emptied itself onto his domed stomach, ran down his front, and puddled between his legs. With his arms suddenly akimbo, Soun's hands extended their first and fourth fingers. His head cricked to one side in the opposite direction from that taken by his lower jaw. In the gap between upper and lower jaw, his tongue flopped out and drool began to drip off the end. His eyes were half-lidded and glazed over. Second 05 - A holding pattern for second 04. Second 06 - "Hmph! Perverts!" Ranma-chan dismissed the fathers with her nose in the air. She turned around to leave and... "Urk!" ... walked straight into the waiting embrace of a figure dressed in ill-fitting male clothing and wearing a worn and weathered fedora. Ranma was gathered up in absurdly strong arms and held tightly. The figure's head was tilted down, and a husky voice whispered from behind the brim of the hat. "My beautiful, beautiful Ranma-chan. How I've longed to have you, uh, in my arms." Ranma began to feel a wave of panic rise in her gut and a sensation of something else too dim to recognize at the moment. The figure slowly raised its head to reveal... "AKANE?!?!?!" Ranma screamed. Akane crushed Ranma-chan to her, putting her head on Ranma's shoulder. Akane brutally stroked Ranma's curved back. "You... you... you're everything I've always wanted in a, er, woman. I lo-lo-love you!" The distant and wailing voice in the back of Ranma's mind finally came to the fore. "I need you!" Akane reached up and stroked Ranma's long hair hard enough to cause the redhead to grimace. The voice told Ranma that something was wrong with Akane's chest. There wasn't one! "I... I... I want... I want to make LOVE to you!!" Akane shouted in Ranma's ear. Even in her exhausted state, Ranma didn't have to struggle to put her current gender, man-water, and Akane's apparent desire to deflower her together to form an inescapable conclusion. "YAAAAHHH!!! LEMME GO!" Ranma twisted around in Akane's arms and scrabbled at the floor with her feet and at air with her grasping hands. "NOOOOO!! I DON'T WANNA!! WAAAHAHAHAAAA!!!" Thoroughly unamused, Akane applied a generous helping of torque and spun her fiance around. To stop her from turning around again, Akane placed one leg between Ranma's and drew her back into a firm embrace. She snagged Ranma's right hand and held it out straight to the side. Ranma's body had straightened and gone stiff when the top of her thigh made connection with a rather firm bulge that shouldn't have been there. She fell back hoping to avoid further contact. From upstairs a hiss-filled recording of a Viennese waltz echoed down, and Akane promptly began to lead Ranma around in a romantic dance. At least that was the plan. Akane's right leg kept hitting high on the inside of Ranma's left thigh, making for shorter steps on that side and causing the pair to gimp around in a continuous circle. Their form also left much to be desired. Ranma was still stiff as a board, and the backs of her heels made a rubbing squawk as she was dragged about. Akane, with no help from her partner, lugged Ranma's dead weight to and fro in a Frankenstein-like stalk. She finally had to hug Ranma tightly to her chest to reduce to strain on her arms. Ranma began to whimper as Akane's right leg suddenly began to rub considerably higher on the insides of her thighs. A third voice began cooing from the feminine reaches of Ranma's psyche. The merry-go-round lasted for about three minutes and ended when the clack of a tape player stopping. Tired and unsure where this was going, Akane managed to capture Ranma's eyes with her own. She lowered her head a little and spoke in a halting voice. "Ra-Ranma-chan. I-I-I wa-want to make ya-you mine... to-tonight." Akane parted her lips and resumed lowering her head. Ranma watched with morbid fascination as Akane's moist lips descended. She could feel Akane's hot breath on her face. Ranma whimpered again as Akane's leg slowly forced Ranma's apart. Their mouths came together and they held that pose for a few seconds, eyes wide and staring at one another. Akane thought. With a sudden lurch Akane thrust her tongue into Ranma's mouth and wagged it around. That lurch also brought the leading face of Akane's thigh into firm contact with the front edge of Ranma's pelvis. Ranma yelled into the closed space of Akane's mouth making Akane's head vibrate. Ranma was overwhelmed by the rising cacophony of singing nerve endings. The feminine voice in the back of Ranma's consciousness rose up and told Ranma what it wanted and made Ranma want it, too. Faced with this greatest of shocks, Ranma resorted to a variant of the Ultimate Saotome Secret Technique she had never used... and fainted. Akane's and Ranma's lips parted with a wet pop as Ranma's head lolled back in unconsciousness. Akane was surprised and then annoyed, letting Ranma fall to the floor with a weighty thud. Nabiki chose that moment to approach and stopped next to her sister. Akane took one step over towards Nabiki. "Ano... do you think it worked?" Akane asked. Nabiki tapped a finger on her chin. "Maybe.... Too hard to tell with her unconscious." "Oh." Nabiki looked Akane over and stopped at a particular spot. "We did learn something useful, though." "Yes?" Akane said hopefully. Nabiki pointed at Akane's pant leg. "You certainly know how to turn 'her' on," she smirked. Akane slowly lowered her head and blankly examined the wet spot on her thigh. She blink-blinked and then promptly joined her iinazuke in oblivion on the floor. She landed such that her head landed between Ranma-chan's breasts. Drool began to run out of Akane's open mouth and down the side of one breast. Nabiki resumed tapping her finger on her chin. After a second or two, she pulled her point-and-shoot out of camera space and took a snap. "And yet another for posterity!" she warbled and sashayed out of the tearoom and up the stairs. As Kasumi went down the stairs, she passed Nabiki. "Hello, Nabiki-chan. You seem in good spirits." Kasumi graced the room with own of her first-magnitude smiles. Nabiki's return smile almost matched her older sister's, but instead of verbally responding... "Mmm. Hmm. Heh. Heh, heh. Heeheehee, hahahah, HAHA, BWAAAHAHAHAHAAAA..." The laughter became muted as Nabiki shut the door to her room, leaving Kasumi bigsweating halfway down the staircase. Kasumi thought. She shrugged and climbed down the remaining stairs. As she was about to enter the kitchen she partially saw Akane lying on top of Ranma in the tearoom. She noticed something was not quite right about that picture. Walking into the tearoom, she took note of Ranma's nudity and Akane's positioning. she mentally chided. She looked up and saw Genma and Soun. "EEEK! Mr. Saotome! Really!!" She strode to her father and "uncle", clucking the whole way. She whapped the unconscious Panda on the nose like a bad dog. "Couldn't you have at least waited and gone outside?!" ____________________