Golden Bells

A Ranma 1/2 Something or Other
By
Sinom Bre

Ranma 1/2 belongs to Takahashi Rumiko and her corporate 
affiliates. I'm just borrowing the Tendou restroom, so don't mind 
me...

====================


Onna-Ranma stood before her gathered family and selected friends 
in the Tendou doujou, although she wasn't sure just exactly who 
had done the selecting. The whole setup smacked of Nabiki. The 
fact that Nabiki was off in one corner, counting a stack of 
bills, didn't help.

"Ahem," Ranma began, "my English class project." She glared at 
Akane. "By *request*, grrr... Ahem, 'Golden Bells'... Oh, gag. I 
can't believe I wrote somethin' so girly-soundin'!!"

"RANMA!!" Akane shouted from the front row. "Get ON with it!"

"Yes, Saotome-kun. I'm late for my evening candy snack!" Hinako-
sensei was already quivering in the first stages of a sugary 
delirium tremens.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Daisuke yelled.

"WE WANT SKIN-- OWWW!! URK!!!"

Sighing, Ranma waited for the female audience members to finish 
assorted acts of violence on Ranma's 'friends'. After a moment, 
she cleared her throat again.

"AHEM!! 'Golden Bells,' by Saotome Ranma--"

"-CHAN!" Ryouga yelled.

"Grrr. Keep it up, P-CHAN!"

"Hey! Who you callin' 'P-chan'?!"

"Wanna fight?!"

"YEAH!"

A mallet, flying from the front row, pegged Ranma on the head, 
while a bonbori was delivered to Ryouga's cranium, courtesy of 
Shampoo.

"READ!!" several voices screamed.

Climbing to her feet, rubbing her sore head, Ranma muttered, 
"Uncute tomboy..."

"I HEARD that!!"

Grumbling, Ranma straightened her now crumpled sheaf of poesy. 
"'Golden Beels, er, Bells'." She rolled her eyes.

      "I was walkin' down the street,
      When the sound of furin tinkled in my ear.
      I stopped and wondered
      At the thousand golden bells I did hear--"

"BWAAAHAHAHAHA-- UUURK!!" Shampoo's second bonbori sent Ryouga 
into an unplanned nap, and severely dented her weapon. She 
blinked at it, then hit Ryouga again for good measure.

"A-HEEEEM!!!"

Shampoo smiled cutely, winked at a steaming Ranma, and sat back 
down on the doujou floor. "Airen go on, now."

     "Errr... thousand golden bells I did hear.

     Like drops of fallin' rain,
     That, er, tinkled through my brain."

A few audience members shifted around, unconsciously glancing out 
the open shoji of the doujou..

     "I was walkin' down the street,
     When bicycles chimed in my ear.
     I stopped and wondered
     At the ringing, tinkling, jingling I did hear."

Yuka turned to Sayuri. "You know, this is really awful."

"Shhh!"

     "Like drops of fallin' rain,
     That ran sloshing down the drain."

Akane smacked her forehead and, after a moment, crossed her legs. 
A light rain began to fall outside.

     "I was walkin' down the street,
     When cell phones went off all around."

Sayuri said, "Yeah, this is really bad."

"SHHH!" Akane glared at her friends and turned her attention back 
to Ranma.

     "Tinkle, tinkle, jingle, jingle,
     A million beepers made a sound.

     Like a rushin' waterfall
     Drenchin' me and all."

Groans echoed throughout the doujou, and several people were 
squirming in their seats. Rainwater ran off the roof and poured 
into puddles, the noise clearly audible to the listeners.

A few minutes and several stanzas later, the writhing crowd of 
friends, rivals, and relations hoped desperately that the next 
verse would be the last. With her own legs crossed and hopping 
from foot to foot, Ranma sallied forth with the final lines.

     "I was walkin' down the street,
     When drops of rain I did meet... Ooog.
     The sun shone through and well
     The golden drops of bells."

The redhead whimpered.

     "Drip drop, drip drop
     ... ... Now I gotta STOP!!"

Ranma bolted from the doujou, down the covered walkway, and into 
the house, locking the bathroom door behind her. A few seconds 
later, the enraged former listeners pounded on the door, 
demanding to be let in. The door gave way, not having been 
designed to withstand such abuse, and the crowd flowed in to see 
Ranma-chan sitting on the potty, her drawstring pants down around 
her ankles, topped off with a pair of boxer shorts.

"GAAH!!! PERVERTS!!!"

     ~~~~~

The only two people left in the doujou were Akane, refusing to 
acknowledge any biological need on her part, and Genma-panda, who 
had just walked in from the rain looking terribly relieved.

"Was it my imagination or did that last verse not match the 
rest?" she asked.

Genma held up a sign. "Water under the bridge... Anou, forget I 
said that."
____________________

END

Now, excuse me. I have to see a man about a horse...