From the Secret Archives of the Nerima Film Society And in cooperation with Mostly Divine Productions The Accidental Goddess Chapter Two Out-Takes ____________________ ____________________ *CLACK* "And... ACTION!" In the changing room of the Tendo home, the surface of the long mirror on the wall began to ripple. The head of a young brown- haired woman leaned out from the substance of the mirror and looked around. Satisfied that no one would see, Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the Present, stepped out of the glass and.... Halfway through the mirror, Belldandy struggled for a moment then looked up. "Mr. Director, sir? The mirror seems to be, ah, stuck." "CUT!" ----- *CLACK* "ACTION!" [...] Satisfied that no one would see, Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the Present, stepped out of the glass, pulling the mirror out of the wall. *CRASH* "CUT!" ----- *CLACK* "Action." In the changing room of the Tendo home, the surface of the long mirror on the wall began to... began to.... Someone knocked on the glass. "Hello?" a muffled Belldandy called from the other side of the mirror. "Moshi, moshi!" "CUT!!! God-damned divine special effects. Someone get ILM on the horn!" ----- ----- *CLACK* "ACTION!" Belldandy exited the changing room and walked to the two unconscious women. She laid a hand on each and determined that they were not harmed. Stepping into the room, she saw the new goddess randomly flitting around the ceiling and mumbling to herself, her eyes staring but not seeing. A mortal girl was hopping around on the foot of one leg while holding the knee of the other. "Konnichiwa," Belldandy began and bowed. Both occupants stopped and looked at her blankly. "I'm here to..." "GAAHHHH!! Help! Help! CHARLEY-HORSE!!!" Akane screamed. She fell to the floor, clutching her right calf. Ranma looked on stupidly. "CUT! Medic!" ----- [scene in progress] "Konnichiwa," Belldandy began and bowed. Both occupants stopped and looked at her blankly. "I'm here to... oh, dear." The other two had resumed their own activities in the middle of Belldandy's introduction. Nabiki's computer monitor began to glow blindingly, and again, everyone stopped what they were doing to look. In a compression of geometry that crossed the eyes and hurt the brain, a pair of shapely, bronze-skinned legs began to exit the screen. They were followed by the rest of her legs, a triangle of snow-white hair, a bellybutton..." "CUT!" the Director screeched. "Damn it, Urd! How many times do I have to tell you that this scene won't fly unless you tape down your dress!! And for God's sake, WEAR SOME PANTIES!" he roared. ----- [scene in progress] Belldandy walked over and tsked to herself as she looked onna- Ranma over. "Did you have trouble finding the house?" she asked her sister. "I was beginning to worry." "No..." Urd began, but stopped and grimaced. Using her strongest healing spell, Urd built a weak and sputtering golden glow on the palms of her hands. She reached back and placed them on her derriere. "Aaah! That's the-- SHIIIITTT!! HOT! HOT! HOT!" Urd hopped around the room, trying to beat out the flames on her butt. "CUT!! *sigh* Someone get an extinguisher..." ----- [scene in progress] The two goddesses soon had Kasumi, Nodoka, Nabiki, and Akane back on their feet. Ranma was still unconscious, and Akane rushed over to check on her. She lifted Ranma's head and shoulders up and shook her. Ranma moaned and weakly clutched at Akane. "Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the floor. "OW! Damn it, Tendo! Ya didn't have to drop me so *hard*! "Look, PERVERT! Watch where you're clutching, next time!" "CUT!" ----- "Scene 2, Take 43. And... ACTION!" *CLACK* The two goddesses soon had Kasumi, Nodoka, Nabiki, and Akane back on their feet. Ranma was still unconscious, and Akane rushed over to check on her. She lifted Ranma's head and shoulders up and shook her. Ranma moaned and weakly clutched at Akane. "Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the floor. "Cheating pervert!" she thought but wouldn't say aloud. She brought her mallet back to give her iinazuke a good wallop, but her hammer was effortlessly missed by Urd's hand. *BAM!* "CUT! MAKEUP!" ----- [scene in progress] "Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the floor. "Cheating pervert!" she thought but wouldn't say aloud. She brought her mallet back to give her iinazuke a good wallop, but her hammer was effortlessly stopped a few inches from Ranma's face by Urd. Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't-- " "YAAAH!! CAT?! KITTEN?!?! WHERE, WHERE?!?!?!" Ranma had zoomed up the wall and was hanging from the ceiling, shaking violently. "CUT!! Someone call the studio shrink..." ----- [scene in progress] Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't go hittin' one of us." Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me what to do?!" Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess of the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service." She finished with a slight bow. Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out of the..." Urd levitated three feet up. "You were saying?" she smirked. Akane jumped back and fell to the ground, rolling in laughter. "What... what do you think this is, Dragonball or something?! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!" "CUT!" ----- Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't go hittin' one of us." Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me what to do?!" Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess of the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service." She finished with a slight bow. Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out of the..." Urd levitated three feet up. "You were-- " "BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!" Akane continued laughing for a few seconds. "Sorry! Sorry! She made me laugh!" *Sigh* "CUT!" ----- Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't go hittin' one of us." Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me what to do?!" Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess of the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service." She finished with a slight bow. Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY... uh, KINDLY... BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!! She *looked* at me funny! It's not my fault!!" "cut." ----- Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out of the..." Urd levitated three feet up. "You were saying?" she smirked. Akane jumped back. Trembling, she raised her mallet in one hand and made a fist with the other. "C'mon! You don't *goku* me!" The cast and stagehands fall over laughing (except the director). Akane looks around in confusion. "What? What did I say?" "CUT!!!" ----- [scene in progress] Akane jumped back. Trembling, she raised her mallet in one hand and made a fist with the other. "C'mon! You don't scare me!" Urd cocked an eyebrow at Akane and then at Belldandy. Belldandy reached over and touched Akane on the back of the head. "Sleep," Belldandy whispered. Akane's eyes rolled back up into her head, and she crumpled to the floor. "Aggressive little thing, ain't--" "SNOOORRRRK!" The cast turns to Akane, asleep on the floor. "SNOOORRRK-ORK-ORK!!" ----- Soun sat at the head of the table, and Nodoka was seated at the other end. Genma sat next to Soun on one side along with Kasumi and Nabiki. The three goddesses sat on the other side, Urd and Belldandy on either side of Ranma. When everyone had been served, Belldandy spoke up. "I assume that Saotome Ranko, here, is a member of the family?" she asked. "Ranko," Nodoka said curtly. Akane appeared in the doorway and, watching Urd and Belldandy warily, shuffled in to sit at the corner between Nodoka and a still dazed Nabiki. "Ano..." Belldandy was confused. "Ranko, did you say? Then who is Ranma?" "Ranma doesn't really exist," Kasumi chimed in. "That's the name Ranko sometimes goes by when she is, er, in, uh... WAIT A MINUTE!" "CUT!" ____________________ FIN