(1981 Feature Film)
Starring Divine
Reviewed by Blase DiStefano
I'm one of "those" people who wears clothes made only of 100-percent cotton. So naturally, I was a bit skeptical about seeing a movie entitled Polyester. I had visions of my skin not being able to breathe; of being the only queer person in the audience not wearing polyester; and even of not being admitted into the theater because I was wearing all-cotton clothing (I wore polyester socks, just in case).
Well, all my fears were unfounded. Polyester is NOT 100-percent cotton, but it IS funny. And Divine is DIVINE.
He (Divine) plays Francine Fishpaw, the overweight housewife of Elmer Fishpaw (David Samson), X-rated-movie-theater owner and obnoxious chauvinist husband. Francine is also the mother of two equally obnoxious children—Lulu (Mary Garlington), who wishes to be the next Farrah Fawcett, and Dexter (Ken King), who gets off to stomping on women's feet in shopping malls.
Francine's sense of smell is extraordinary, and it tells her that her marriage, her life, the world—they all stink! And the latter three words are more literal than you might think. Introducing "Odorama," a cute new gimmick which allows the audience to literally scratch and sniff the odors that plague Francine. (Prepare yourself for some crappy odors.)
And then there's Tab Hunter, who is not the OLD Tab Hunter. The movie's director, John Waters, says, "To me he has always been the ultimate movie star. I just wanted to put Tab Hunter in a context that you would never in a million years expect him to be." Besides singing the title song, Hunter plays Todd Tomorrow, Francine's lover!
About Divine, Tab Hunter says, "I have worked with many of the great leading ladies in Hollywood: Lana Turner, Natalie Wood, Debbie Reynolds, Sophia Loren, Rita Hayworth, but Divine has more on the ball than any of them."
As if that's not enough, there's also: LaRue (Joni Ruth White), Francine's mean and greedy mother; Francine's only friend, Cuddles (Edith Massey), a former cleaning lady who inherited a fortune and now thinks she's a debutante (her acting leaves a lot to be desired); Lulu's boyfriend, Bobo (Stiv Bators), a jerk; and Elmer's secretary, Sandra (Mink Stole), who likes having sex with Elmer, but also likes his money.
The only "normal" person in Polyester is Francine—she's a good Christian woman who tries to please her husband and children; she even prays before she goes to bed. She only wants her family to be the normal, typical, everyday American family (whatever that is), and in the end, her dream comes real close to becoming a reality. In other words, the reality of Polyester is a fantasy, and an enjoyable one at that, no matter what you wear.
["Polyester" played in June 1981
at Houston's Landmark Greenway Theatre.]
[This review ran in TWT magazine, June 19, 1981.]
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