Photograph by Firooz Zahedi
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A slightly edited version of this interview ran in OutSmart magazine, October 1997. |
In the dictionary between the words "bobsled" and "bobstay" should be the word "bobsmith," the definition of which would be "any openly gay comic who is funny, kind, and cute, and who writes a book that is fun to read, and sprinkles it with loving observations of life, not to mention quotable phrases on almost every page." Just one of those "bobsmith" phrases: "Our educational system has proved that if a subject is taught in a boring enough manner, Americans will make every effort to avoid it for the rest of their lives. If homosexuality was taught in the same manner as trigonometry, even most gay people would have no use for it after graduation."
Bob Smith's new book is titled Openly Bob. In the book, Smith devotes an entire chapter to other titles that were rejected, some for obvious reasons. A few of those: "Swished at Birth," "The Man in the Cucumber Masque," "It's a Wonderful Lifestyle," "I Wish Someone Would Open a Not-Good-at-Sports Bar," "My Hometown Is Sodom," "A Domineering Mother and Distant Father Caused Me to Be Sarcastic!," "A Drag Queen Once Kicked Sequins in My Face," "My Dick Joke's Bigger Than Yours."
Smith was the first openly gay comedian to perform on The Tonight Show, has had his own HBO special, is the author of Growing Up Gay (written with the Funny Gay Males), and has written for numerous TV shows and magazines. The original bobsmith is busy.
How busy? When I talked to him by phone in mid-October [1997], he was in Philadelphia for his book tour. He had already been in eight cities before then (the tour had started October 6), and he was scheduled to be in seven more cities through the end of October. Hey, that's not including November! But jot it down—he'll be here in Houston on November 9 to do a booksigning at Crossroads and to do a show at Laff Stop that night.
Blase DiStefano: When did you start writing Openly Bob?
Bob Smith: About two years ago. I spent almost every day for two years writing it. I was off for 10 weeks writing for Roseanne [on Saturday Night Special] and two weeks working for The MTV Video Awards.
What's it like writing for a TV show?
It's fun. It's like the best job you could have. The closest analogy is like putting on a class play, except that you have people spending thousands of dollars to build sets and design costumes. And you're in a huge TV studio. And there's FREE food. We tend to put down TV—and there is a lot of bad TV—but at least the people who do it really work hard, all the craftspeople. There were 13 writers on the show. You felt like Rose Marie and Morey Amsterdam and Rob Petrie.
[Laughter].
It was really fun and long, long hours. We worked six and seven days a week because the show was produced live every week and it was on a Saturday. So we had to work Monday through Saturday. And then a lot of times we had to come in on Sunday to start writing for the following show. It was hard work but totally fun.
You really haven't had much time off.
No. I have been working really, really hard. My boyfriend Tom and I have barely taken a vacation. But I really loved writing the book; I was really into into it. And I didn't want the book to be my stand-up act. People are a little skeptical about books by stand-up comedians. [There was only one joke from his stand-up routine in the book: "My aunt Lorraine's a chain-smoker. She's always lighting up. True story. She once saved a man's life by giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Six months later, he was dead from emphysema."]
In your book, you said that in the ninth grade you realized and easily accepted that you were gay. Being the good little Catholic boy we know you are, why didn't you feel guilty?
I have two other brothers who were sent to Catholic schools, but I think [I didn't feel guilty] because, in a weird way, I was sent to public schools. So I feel like I'm a suburban-lite Catholic, even though I joke about it more in my act. It was weird—I had like an hour of, "Oh my God, I'm gay." But I honestly didn't feel it was wrong. I must have read Ann Landers—this was like the mid-to-early '70s, so I could get some information on it. It didn't feel evil to me. I knew it was nothing I had planned. But coming out was hard 'cause in high school you don't feel comfortable with it.
Are you still doing auditions for movies?
I almost did one for Spin City but I missed it. It was for a role as a boyfriend for the gay guy, which would've have been great.
What's coming up?
Showtime is gonna do a gay & lesbian sketch comedy series, and they're gonna shoot the pilot next month [November 1997], and I'm gonna be a performer and the head writer on it. It's got Lea Delaria, Suzanne Westenhoffer, and a lot of other good talent.
A friend of mine told me you were on Entertainment Tonight last week [early October, 1997].
I saw a tape of it the day after, and it was like the cover story, and they promoted the book. They even showed a clip from the coming-out episode of Ellen. When Ellen talks to Laura Dern in the bookstore, the Growing Up Gay book we wrote is literally right between them. I was with [one of the co-authors of] the book, and we were screaming, "Oh God, that's our book!" And ET zeroed in on the book. It was really fun. My boyfriend goes, "It's like a Bob Smith infomercial!"
[Laughs] Speaking of Ellen DeGeneres, do most people respect her in L.A.?
I haven't heard anything negative. I think you have to give Ellen a ton of credit. It's like a major landmark.
Like Ellen, you're openly gay and in the public eye. Do you ever feel threatened? Do people ever make fun of you?
Just my parents.
[Laughs] So you don't get . . .
I knock on wood. You have to be careful though, 'cause you don't want to try to be the spokesperson for the gay community, because we're so diverse. And you have to watch what you say 'cause—not to put down the press—but I have been misquoted.
You said in the book that you and Tom had gone to couples therapy. Are y'all still doing therapy?
No, we feel like we've graduated. But it was good , and we would have probably broken up without doing it. I wanted to put that essay in [the book] because there's a reaction from people when you say you've been together for almost nine years—they go UGH. Which I guess is alright 'cause it's hard to keep a relationship going, straight or gay. But you don't want people to think it's been one happy honeymoon either.
Just how much do you believe in UFOs and things like that?
Well I'm a huge fan of The X-Files, and I do think the Roswell thing's a coverup, and I don't believe the new thing about that. I've seen interviews with this 85-year-old guy who says he saw three caskets—why would this 85-year-old guy be lying? He's not making any money off that. There's a big difference between a recovered flying disk and pieces of a weather balloon. I'm gonna sound like a total kook in this interview.
No, I find all of that very interesting.
There are a lot of kookie things out there. I'm pretty skeptical, but how can there not be life out there?
There's gotta be. But I hope I'm not talking to an right now.
I hope I'm abducted from this hotel room, 'cause I'm at the Comfort Inn in Philadelphia.
[Laughs]
1995 Interview With Bob Smith
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