He's Out.
He's Fun.
He's Gay Bob.

Interview With
Comedian Bob Smith

by Blase DiStefano

Buffalo. Christmas Eve. 1960. Gay tidings: Gay Bob, a beautiful bouncing baby boy, is born to the Smiths. (The "Buffalo" is the city, not the animal; the "Smiths" are the parents, not the band; and the "Gay" is both the feeling and the orientation.)

The Smiths may be the only lucky people to have witnessed Bob's unrefined humor for most of his 34 years, but we can behold his honed humor for two nights in October [1995] at Houston's Laff Stop.

Smith has the distinction of being the first openly gay comedian to appear on The Tonight Show and have his own HBO comedy special. He was also the head writer and one of the performers on Comedy Central's Out There, and Smith wrote the comic monologues for a screenplay about a gay stand-up comic based on Paul Monette's book, Halfway Home, for Steven Spielberg's company, Amblin. Bob's recent book, Growing Up Gay, published by Walt Disney's Hyperion, received great reviews and immediately sold out its first printing. According to the press release, Growing Up Gay is "even going to be published in Italian! Talk about Homo L'uomo!"

Smith's other TV appearances include A&E's Evening at the Improv and Tom Snyder's late-night talk show. He also writes a humor column for Men's Style magazine, is working on a screenplay about a gay son in a Mafia family, and is writing his own book to be published by Bantam in 1996.

This is one really busy guy; however, not too busy to do a phone interview while on vacation in Provincetown.

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Blase DiStefano: Is Bob Smith your real name?
Bob Smith: Yeah. But I changed it from John Doe.

[Laughs] If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
John Doe.

[Laughs]
Actually, I like my name.

Are you in a relationship?
Yes. His name is Tom.

For how long?
We're going on seven years.

Where did y'all meet?
In New York. We were both cater-waiters.

Congratulations on being together for seven years. When's your anniversary?
Valentine's Day. That was when we had our first date.

Assuming you have to travel around a lot, have you both adjusted to it?
We've kind of adjusted to it, but it kinda stinks. Usually, I'm not away for that long, but this Saturday [September 9, 1995], I'm going to Australia until October 1.

Have you performed there before?
Twice. Tom came one time for the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. This time I'm doing a show with an Australian lesbian comedian. If it goes well, I could go back every year and work. It's a wonderful place.

I have a friend who goes there every chance he gets. It seems the law required that he leave after six months, but he would return as soon as the law allowed.
They now have a law there that if you have an Australian boyfriend, you can acknowledge your relationship to the government, and they will treat it like they would treat a couple.

They seem to be somewhat advanced.
Everybody thinks they're 20 years behind the times, but in a lot of ways, they're very hip.

Speaking of hip, was the Gay Bob doll modeled after you?
[Pauses, laughs] No. [Pauses] I'm even more plastic.

[Laughs] Where would you take Newt Gingrich on a date?
"Newt, I don't think I can make the date. I'm not feeling well."

What do you think of outing?
I'm not in favor of it. If someone was really evil and homophobic, I guess it would be fair. I read this book review of a biography of Vicente Minnelli, and the biographer said that Vincente Minnelli was gay, and that was the big news in the biography! I thought like, "Duh, he MARRIED Judy and CREATED Liza."

[Laughs] How could he NOT be gay.
Yeah, what a big shock.

When and how did you come out to your parents?
On Thanksgiving, I said, "Mom, would you please pass the gravy to a homosexual?" She passed it to my father. And a terrible scene followed.

[Laughs] Okay, now for real.
I came out to them after college, right around Christmas. My mother went into shock right away and said, "You should talk to a priest." And I felt like saying, "Mom, the priest is gay."

[Laughs] Really, did she have a difficult time with it?
Initially. But there was a big article on me in the Buffalo News--I'm from Buffalo--and she showed it to everyone. And she asked people to watch my HBO special, and she was telling people about my appearance on The Tonight Show.

How was it being out on The Tonight Show?
Obviously, I was very nervous--I mean I was gonna be on The Tonight Show, and I was gonna talk about being gay, which no one had done before. What helped was that the big guest was Garth Brooks. When I stepped out from behind the curtain, a quarter or third of that audience was wearing cowboy hats, 'cause they were all Garth Brooks fans. I thought, "Yeah, this is my dream audience." But they were great. What was fun too was that they showed Jay [Leno] and Garth Brooks laughing at my jokes. It was really fun.

Garth Brooks is pro-gay, and I think his sister is a lesbian, so . . .
Oh, he was really friendly. At one point, someone from the audience brought a little T-shirt up for his daughter, and he asked me, "Bob, have you ever considered having kids?" I said that I had thought about it, but I didn't know if I was going to. He goes, [imitating Garth Brooks] "Well, it's the greatest thing in the world." I thought that was cool of him to not assume that gay people wouldn't want kids.

He was treating you like he would have anybody else. That was very nice. I know you've been on The Howard Stern Show several times. What do you think of him?
Howard can go berserk. I don't endorse everything Howard has said or done by far, but when we [with two other gay male comedians] first went on, it was more like a dare kind of thing--I hate that idea that gay people are victims and afraid of doing something.

Then I went on last year by myself and covered the Gay Games for him. You just have to be very assertive. If he says something really stupid, you say, "Howard, that's stupid." He would ask stuff like, "Bob, do you think I'm attractive?" "No way, Howard, not with that hair."

The first time I went on, he had Andrew Dice Clay call in--it was a setup--and Andrew said something like, "I'm making this movie, Howard, and it's got a really great cast. It's got Wayne Newton and Priscilla Presley." And we started laughing. We're like, "Oh, yeah, they sound great. I hear they're gonna do Shakespeare in the Park." Howard started laughing at Andrew Dice Clay like he got the joke. And Andrew Dice Clay got off the phone so quickly, it was unbelievable.

So it had already been set up for Clay to call in?
Since there were these gay comics, I guess he thought there might be some controversy. Instead, it spun around, and WE knocked out Andrew Dice Clay.

Has Clay changed his tune?
Yes, I think he's stopped doing any homophobic material. He got a lot of grief from that and rightfully so.

Not to veer too far off from the subject of Andrew Dice Clay, what are your feelings on gun control?
I not only think there should be a seven-day waiting period to buy handguns, I think most people need a seven-day waiting period to buy ANYTHING.

[Laughs] What is your take on religion?
I was raised Roman Catholic. According to the Catholic Church, they say it's okay to be homosexual as long as you don't practice homosexuality. And I say it's okay to be Catholic as long as you don't practice Catholicism.

[Laughs] What about Bill Clinton?
Some things he's done good; some things I'm not too happy about. However, none of the Republicans seem more appealing to me. It's not just the gay issue--people think you vote for one thing--I'm really involved in environmental issues. I think dismantling all the environmental laws is a crime. I'm certainly not going to vote for Bob Dole who returns a thousand dollars from the gay Republicans.

And the last--but not the least--important question: Do you wear briefs, boxers, or nothing?
[Laughs] Briefs. Newt Gingrich's, but I don't know where I got them from.

1997 Interview With Bob Smith

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