ALEXIS ARQUETTE is part of a large close-knit family of actors including his father Lewis, his sisters Rosanna and Patricia, and brothers David and Richmond. Because of the size of the clan and because each member is so active, they get together as a group "only a couple of times a year," says Arquette, though "individually we see each other a lot." I was lucky enough to get hold of him by phone while he was in Canada making a film, BRIDE OF CHUCKY, with Jennifer Tilly.
His recent film [1998], I Think I Do, opened Houston's 2nd Annual Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. "I THINK I DO is a gay film," he says, "but it's not exclusive to gays. I think anybody can enjoy it. It's not topical—it's not about being gay."
And neither is Arquette. His interesting—some might say outrageous—views on sexuality should have you squirming in your seat. Both sides of Arquette: one side lives with his girlfriend, the other has sex with straight guys. Are you squirming in your seat yet?
Blase DiStefano: You've got a great name. Were you named after actress Alexis Smith?
Alexis Arquette: [Laughs] No, my mother's side of the family is Russian. I was named after the last emperor-to-be of Russia, but he didn't really make it, because they were all killed off.
Well, let's hope that doesn't happen to you.
[Laughs] Yeah.
So what was the first film you ever made?
The first thing I ever did was DOWN AND OUT IN BEVERLY HILLS. I played the friend of the son, at the end of the film.
Was I THINK I DO enjoyable to make, or was it hard work?
It was great and a lot of fun. It was hard because we had a tight budget—independents are always a stretch.
Do you fluctuate between the two—commercial and independent?
Yeah. I usually do them for the same reason—because I like the script. But it's a lot easier when the budget is bigger, because of the perks. But sometimes you work harder on the lower budgets because you really want them to work.
When I interviewed your brother David Arquette, I asked him about you, but I was cautious. I said, "I don't know that your brother Alexis is out, but I've heard that he's gay. If he is, are you cool with that?" He said, "Totally. Alexis is a complete individual, and his whole life is an open book. A little while ago, I met his girlfriend . . . and they're talking about buying inflatable furniture together. Lex is a free spirit and the most creative person I've ever met. I talked to him about it once, and he said, 'You know, the only people I tell my sexuality to is if they wanna fuck me.'" [Both laugh] Is that what you said?
Yeah, my usual pat answer.
Well, if I said I wanted to fuck you, would you tell me your sexuality?
[Laughs] Well, I only know you from over the phone.
Well, but still . . .
You can understand that response, right?
Oh, yeah.
There's no reason to discuss it really, unless you're gonna [pause] do it.
[Laughs] Right, and I guess we're not. Okay, then, if a loaded gun was pointed to your head, would you label yourself a bisexual?
Um, oh God, that's even worse than gay.
Well, do you think that bisexuality even exists?
I think it's a lot more common than gay, quite frankly. Not active, it's probably not self-aware bisexuality.
But it just seems . . .
You've got the most options.
Yeah, when you meet somebody, it doesn't matter what sex they are. Bisexuality seems so normal.
In a better world . . .
Yeah, in a perfect world . . .
Well, I'm not gender specific when it comes to desire. I have an affinity for the gay community because so much of the humor that I think is funny is from the gay community—it has a gay aesthetic in it.
Maybe when growing up, when you get a lot of shit for being gay, either you let it get to you or you use humor to get through it.
Outsiders always have a good view of the inside, but once you're in it, you can't really see where you are. People who are often ostracized have a good position to view things and usually have a funny outlook on it.
So, when did you lose your virginity?
Um, I can't remember.
Good answer.
If I ever had it, quite frankly. [Both laugh] It's so funny, losing your virginity is such a thing. Just like in the movies, you'll always be the first to someone, they can never change that. Everybody always wants to be indelible in someone's mind the rest of their lives. They all want to be unforgettable. But I think my de-virginization was a bit forgettable. And when that happens, whether you're drunk or whatever, it's kind of a shame. Maybe that's why they want people to wait, 'cause it's not that you're not old enough to appreciate it, you're just not old enough to remember it and really understand its full importance at that time of your life. But it can be bad. I think if you're in love with someone that first time, it's probably not a good thing, 'cause in the long run, you probably get too wrapped up in people you have sex with. If you can have a healthy sexual outlook, and if the first time is more about exploration, then you're not gonna have too many hang-ups sexually.
Was it with a man or woman?
A woman . . . with women for a while. I was probably 13. And I don't think there was any reason I wasn't with guys other than boys probably weren't aware of their sexuality if they weren't gay, and if they were aware of it, they were just too shy to act on it, which is a shame, because at that age when you're young . . . I'm sure that there are a lot of people out there who have relationships with other boys that are same-sex when they're that age and really get kind of close to someone you know, like a friend or whatever . . . but with the relationships I had with boys at that age, we didn't communicate a lot about that aspect, we just didn't talk about the sex we had. You know what I mean?
Yeah, exactly.
We had friendships and there was sex, but we didn't speak of it. Now when I think about it more and more, what I want in a relationship is just a friend I can have sex with and not have to talk about it. [Both laugh] Not ever have to talk about it, not have to deal with it, just do it, and just be friends afterward.
Do you believe in monogamy?
I believe in the ideal of it. I don't believe anyone is really living it. People are full of shit when they say Thoughts are one thing, but actions are another—you can look but you can't touch. I think if you're sleeping with someone every night, and they're the only one, if you're not thinking of them, and every night you come home with a different mental image of who you saw on the subway or at work or on TV, it's just as bad, 'cause you're not being with that person in the long run.
In reality that's not really monogamy.
Yeah. You might as well be with other people. When it hurts you so badly, you gotta ask yourself why it hurts you that they would want to be with other people. Usually it's our own insecurities—abandonment, all that parental shit.
Yeah, we need that other person to make us feel better.
Yeah. That's why I often get involved sexually with men who are quote unquote straight because—and I believe that a man can have sex with men all his life and still remain straight, it doesn't mean you're gay or even bisexual. But I often get involved with straight guys not because they turn me on more—because a lot of gay men are very sexy—it's because there's that unspoken trust and there's never a fear, because I know they're always going to be with women. So there's no fear of feeling like they're cheating on me or something, because it's a given that they're gonna be with women and I'm probably the exception to the rule, because he's probably not knocking any other guys. So in a way it's like my little insurance.
Um, that's interesting.
Gay men tend to have the roving eye, they're always looking for the "better than," "the next thing." Even if they wanna keep you there with them, they still want it all.
I think men in general are that way.
Yeah, but I think gay men even more so. Some of them can't seem to go out and not go home with someone, it like drives them insane.
I've noticed that gay men are becoming a lot more selective and . . .
After a while it's like, Would you rather go home with somebody and have bad sex or just masturbate or not at all or not even worry about it. There is something to be said for keeping it inside, for saving your energy and not spreading it around. In the long run it's like some big spiritual bank account—if you save it up, you're gonna get the payoff, you're gonna find someone sooner, but not if you spread yourself thin and settle for less. A pretty face is a dime a dozen, but somebody who respects you and you respect them, and they don't bug you—the worst is having sex with someone and not wanting them to speak. Some people want to be objectified, but I want to get close to people.
What do you think of marriage?
It's kind of silly. If I was to get married, it would seem very unreal to me. I understand the idea of being with some one person forever, but so many queens are like Oh, we're married, that's my husband. That's fine. It's just hard for me to imagine same-sex marriage that isn't free of kitsch.
[Laughs] Yeah.
It just seems—not false and fabricated, because that's the negative straights—but it's trying to emulate them. Why do we need to be like them? We have an opportunity to create our own kinds of relationships that are free of guilt and hang-ups.
Let's say you're in a relationship where the other person sends you to a desert island, and you can take only a few movies, what would they be?
Um . . . desert island , couple of movies . . . oh, jeez. To scare me, probably CARRIE and PSYCHO; and to laugh, maybe CARRIE and PSYCHO. . . no, just kidding. Something by Pedro Almodóvar. God, there's so many movies I love . . . I loved THE BIG HIT, which was recently, but it's not one of my favorites . . . I loved TRUE ROMANCE . . . I loved THE HUNGER, movies with way too much atmosphere, visual stuff . . . BLADE RUNNER. That sort of stuff.
On that same desert island, you can take only one person—not a friend, relative, or lover—who would it be?
Let me think. Oh, for conversation, huh? Not so they could build something good for me?
Well, that's up to you.
Leonardo da Vinci wouldn't be bad, because he could probably get me off the island.
I don't believe you said that.
Why?
I ask this question all the time, but I've never gotten that response until last week when I interviewed David Marshall Grant. Your answer was the same as his.
Maybe I should meet this guy.
[Laughs] Well, I've got his phone number.
[Laughs] Well, [mocking exasperation] David already got da Vinci. Maybe Marilyn Monroe—she's probably a closet intellectual. She could make me laugh and be silly and look cute, and then she could let down her guard every now and then and have a nice intellectual conversation with me. Will that work?
That'll work fine.
A slightly edited version of this interview, titled "Not-So-Het Arquette,"
ran in OutSmart magazine, June 1998.